Own Your Sh*t: The Emotionally Responsible Adult’s Guide to Therapy

Let’s get something clear: you are not responsible for what hurt you, but you are responsible for what you do with it. That includes your emotions. Yes, your emotions.

This might be a hard read if you’ve spent years outsourcing your emotional state to the people around you. If your first instinct, when something hurts, is to ask “Who did this to me?” instead of “What did this touch in me?”, then we’ve got some work to do.

You Feel What You Feel. Now What?

Therapy isn’t a sanctuary for endless catharsis with no change. It’s a space to name what’s true, yes—but more than that, it’s a space to own it, sit with it, and decide what you want to do next. You’re the expert on your own experience. But being the expert comes with responsibility. You don’t get to be the authority on your inner world while expecting others to manage it for you. That’s not self-awareness. That’s emotional delegation.

The way you respond emotionally—especially in relationships—is often shaped by early attachment, unmet needs, old traumas. But that doesn’t justify handing someone else the job of regulating your feelings now. Insight might explain the wound. It doesn’t excuse the weaponizing of it.

Situations Don't Dictate Your Feelings—You Do

One of the hardest things to accept in therapy is that events, people, words—they don’t come with built-in emotional outcomes. There’s no objective, universal way to feel about what happens to you. That emotional response? That’s yours. That’s learned. That’s chosen—often subconsciously, shaped by your past, your narratives, your expectations.

Take two people. One hears “I need some space” and feels abandoned. The other feels respected. It’s not the phrase. It’s the history they bring to it. The moment you start noticing that you are choosing what things mean to you, you begin to reclaim your power. The work, then, isn’t about forcing yourself to feel nothing—it’s about getting curious about why you feel what you feel, and deciding whether it still serves you.

Stop Making Other People Responsible for Your Emotions

Here’s the bit people resist: if you’re making other people responsible for how you feel, you’re not in a relationship—you’re staging a performance and demanding applause.

Examples? Fine.

You feel insecure, so your partner must constantly reassure you.

You feel angry, so the other person must have done something wrong.

You feel rejected, so the person must have been cruel.

You’re upset, so someone must have failed you.

You feel anxious, so the world needs to rearrange itself to soothe you.

That’s not emotional maturity. That’s emotional outsourcing.

It’s completely human to want others to care, support, respond—but expecting them to manage your inner state is unfair, unrealistic, and often manipulative, even if unintentionally. Other people can influence your emotions. But they’re not responsible for them. There's a difference between being supported in your feelings and expecting someone to be accountable for them.

Why it's a problem when you make someone else responsible for your emotions:

You hand over your power.

You avoid doing your own work.

You breed resentment and control.

You confuse support with submission.

You stay stuck in a childlike dynamic, waiting to be rescued or repaired.

And worse—you lose the opportunity for growth. Because emotional responsibility is growth. It’s the choice to stop reacting and start responding.

So, What Do We Work On? In therapy, we might explore:

Where you learned to disown your emotions or blame others for them

Why it feels safer to collapse into blame or guilt than sit with complexity

How to stay with discomfort without lashing out or shutting down

The difference between sharing your feelings and using them to manipulate

What it would mean to feel something fully without making it someone else’s fault

Because emotional responsibility isn’t about being stoic or numb. It’s about owning your emotional landscape. All of it. Not because it’s easy. But because it’s yours.

Final Thought

Therapy isn’t where you come to be rescued. It’s where you come to stop rescuing yourself through other people. You don’t get to choose what happened to you. But you do get to choose how you meet it. And that includes how you feel—and what you do with those feelings. So if you’re ready to stop waiting for the world to validate, fix, or rescue you, and start owning your emotional life like the grown-ass human you are—let’s talk.

No sugar-coating. No nicey-nice. Just truth, choice, and the possibility of something real.